I wanted to write Scarlett's birth story and share it with anyone that was interested in reading. Im going to make it very detailed so feel free to read, skim, or skip this next post :-) This was one of the most incredible experiences of my life and I want to remember it all. Ive had to wait a couple weeks before writing it down to gain some perspective on the entire experience. I think immediately after (and the couple days following) I said the experience was traumatizing but now after some time I remember why I chose to have a natural birth and its made me feel quite differently about what happened that very special day.
For me, her birth story starts many, many months before she was even a thought in our heads. I was pregnant for the first time in 2008 and very excited to be a mom. I was 13 1/2 weeks into my pregnancy when I found out that the babys heart had stopped and the pregnancy was no longer. I was shocked and scared and did not was to miscarry this child, all I wanted was for it to be taken care of. Nick and I went into the hospital and begged to have a D&C done, but we were turned down. The doctor would not do the procedure because of the risks to my future pregnancies, and while it broke my heart I went home and had to wait for the baby to pass naturally. In the next couple of days I made my peace with waiting for my body to do what it knew how to do. Its hard to put into words how I felt about this but I felt as though I was this babys mother, and I could be strong for the baby and allow this baby to be "born" the most naturally, and peaceful way possible. When I did miscarry, it was one of the worst nights of my (and Nicks) life but I felt strong to get through what I had and knew I would be a better mom to my children when we were ready to try again.
During my pregnancy with Scarlett I started reading about all of my options when it came to birthing. I felt in my heart that natural childbirth was the best option for me and my baby. I wanted nothing to do with being in a hospital (although I did give birth in the hospital) and nothing to do with medicating myself or my baby. I felt disconnected to my body the one time I had strong pain killers, and althought I know an epidural is quite different, the risks of the epidural were more scary than going through labor. The more I read about birthing (Hypnobabies, Bradley Method, and more) the more I felt empowered and like "I can do this". I wanted this experience, even if it was going to be difficult (which it was, more than I even imagined). Nick supported my decision although he didnt understand it. And I have to admit I did not get much support. I felt like my sister and mom really gave me a lot of support but from most other people I heard a lot of "Oh yeah, I thought I wanted natural too until I was actually in labor". Or, "Thats what my wife said" in a condescending way, "Just dont feel bad if you change your mind" and constant reminders of the pain. While these comments only made my commitment stronger (which during the labor I needed this strength) I also felt like it was sad how no one has faith in the process. It seemed to me that no one has faith in women to do what they were made to do. I dont feel AT ALL that other women need to make the same decision I did, and birth is a very personal choice, but I feel like there should be more support for women choosing to have a natural childbirth. Have faith, and give encouragement to all women.
My first due date for Scarlett was May 15th, and at about the 20 week mark it was pushed back to May 31st. I told my mom, Nicks mom, and my doctor that we should pray for the 28th because it was memorial weekend and Nick would get another day with his daughter before going back to school. I actually told the doctor (in a very sarcastic way) that the baby would definetly listien to me and come that day, because shes ALWAYS going to listen to her mother and that was how prepared I was for motherhood haha.
I started having contractions and cramping in the weeks leading up to actual labor. Sometimes the contractions would be 5 minutes apart and I never knew how women could be "confused" about whether labor has started or not but I definetly was. Sometimes the contractions would be close enough together and strong enough that I couldnt sleep, but I also knew it was not time yet to go into the hospital. I was frustrated and very ready to have my baby. I still felt like she would come closer to the 15th (my original due date) and so when it came and went I was very frustrated. I kept saying I wish I could just be patient and know the time WILL come and this is all worth it, but tears seemed to come ever night for the last week or so and I was not feeling patient at all. (Looking back its pretty funny to think about this, but at the time I never thought I would feel that way) I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner the 24th and she started talking induction date and that went against everything I had wanted for my birthing experience. I allowed her to check me (3 cm, 75% effaced) and finally gave into her doing a membrane sweep (to avoid a medicated induction). The membrane sweep gave me more contractions and cramping but did not start labor. I was walking every night and trying everything I could to get things going, but no luck. Friday night I called my sister to ask about whether it sounded like my water had sprung a leak (before this didnt understand how a woman wouldnt know, but I really did not know) I decided to not go into the hospital and just wait it out.
Saturday morning I woke up at 8 am to use the restroom and had a lot of cramping. I went back to sleep and Nick and I both woke up at 9am. I still had cramping and told Nick no contractions. Within about 20 minutes of being awake but still sitting in bed the cramping turned into contractions. They were a little more intense than I had experience so far and they seemed very close together. I felt like "this is it, I just know it" and so I grabbed my phone and started timing. Nick made coffee and sat on the couch as is our regular Saturday morning routine. I was still sitting in bed and the contractions were about 1 minute on, 1 minute rest. I told him at 10 am he should probably get dressed (to shower first, it could be a LONG day) and ready to go because we were going to need to head into the hosptial. I now could not talk during the contractions but while during the rest period started getting our bags together and making phone calls. I called my sister first (no answer..ahh!) and then my parents. I called Emily (Nicks sister) and tried to make phone calls to get Tasha, our pup, taken care of. Around 10:40 am we were finally on our way to the hospital. I had wanted to labor at home for as long as I could but given the contractions being 2 minutes apart already, I was nervous about staying home any longer. The drive was less than pleasant but luckily very short. I waited by the entrance as Nick parked the car and it was a nice windy day. I thought to myself that I wanted to just be in labor out here because the breeze felt good. The hospital was only about 10 minutes drive total, and we waited in the triage for another 15 or so before being seen.
I was having to concentrate and breathe to stay relaxed more and more during contractions. I told the triage nurse she could check me but then I wanted to decline any further dialation checks (I felt they were unnecessary until later in labor) and stayed in my own clothes to be more comfortable. The nurse said I was about the same effaced but 4 cm now. We stayed in the triage room for about an hour while they monitored the baby and around noon asked if I wanted to walk to help things along. I had been standing and swaying using the computer desk (shelf??) for support and knew I could walk at this point. My water HAD started to leak (probably the night before) so we were having this baby today, there were no other options. So Nick and I started walking the halls of labor and delivery stoping every minute or two during a contraction. We stopped and talked about the hospital fountains, deciding that when we built our dream house we would also have a fountain :-)
As soon as we got back to triage they moved us to our labor and delivery room. After they monitored me there for 20 minutes they asked if I wanted to get in the shower. I was excited to take up that oppurtunity because I had read a lot of other birth stories and heard the shower can really help ease the tension. I stood in the shower and let the water run on the lower part of my back. It was the best I had felt all day, I hardly had any pain at all! I had an hour to try and relax before I would have to get out to be monitored again. My sister had arrived and I was so excited to see her. She sat by the bathroom door and we chatted, stopping during contractions but I felt energized and happy to be talking to her. Nick left to take Tasha to the house where she would be boarded and Kelsey stayed with me. This pattern of an hour in the shower, 20 minutes monitored in bed was repeated over for quite a few hours. I had to sit up in bed, with my feel together and legs apart (butterfly stretch) and focus on my breathing. The contractions were getting more and more intense and I was no longer able to talk much in between. I started to moan and groan during the contractions. At one point I sat in the shower and the song "Mary Did You Know" came into my head while thinking about who this baby we were about to meet would be. I rocked my head side to side and hummed the song. I tried to not stop no matter what and for a while it worked but as things got more intense I could no longer think straight. Emily and Austin showed up and I was happy to see them. I wished at the time they could have been there earlier because I knew I had been strong and was starting to slip, and I wanted them to have seen me when I was feeling better, but it wasnt going to happen that way and I was just happy they were there to support us.
The on-call night doctor (who was my OB/Gyn's wife, and also the doctor that helped when I was in the ER with the miscarriage) came in around 7pm to check me. She was great and I was about ready to get out of the shower so she could see how dialated I was when she told me that I needed to just focus on labor and she came into the shower to check me instead. She was incredible! I was at 8cm. I knew transition would hit soon and I started to get really scared. Labor was so difficult and intense at this point that I started to doubt if I could make it through this more intense phase. She told me I had a forebag of water and asked if I wanted her to break it. I really started to panic. Tears streamed down my face and I told her I did want her to but that I was scared because I knew things would pick up and I didnt know if I could do it. She reassured me that I could and since things were going slowly for me it would most likely help and labor would be over soon. I got into bed and she broke the bag (which doesnt hurt at all) and she said I had an hour before she would come check me. I decided to labor on the exercise ball and my sister rubbed my back. This was the worst hour of labor, and quite possibly one of the hardest hours of my life. I moaned through each contraction, with the only thing I had to hold on to was the thought that when the doctor came back it would be time to push and this would all be over. Sometimes I would try and stay completely silent and keep my body relaxed and have no tension in my face during contractions just to see if I could. I heard Nick a few times tell Kelsey it had been a while since I had a contraction so even though I didnt (and couldnt) say anything I felt a little sense of accomplishment. It helped me get through. The awful hour was over and the doctor came back to check me, thats when I heard her say... Youre still at an 8, NO PROGRESS.
I was devestated and lost it. I started to cry and became very upset. How could that be? How would I make it through any more of this, let alone a few more hours?! She told me they wanted to start talking about using Pitocin (which was LOW on my list of things I wanted) and offered me an epidural, or IV drugs. I declined the IV drugs because I feel sick with pain killers and she said they would also give me something for nausea. My head felt like it was spinning and I didnt know what to do. I finally found the strength deep DEEP down inside to decline all medication. This was when all of that doubt others had in me, in all women, and the support from the few that told me I could do it was crucial. The doctor said okay and told me that I needed to get my head back in the game then and she would give me another hour. She was wonderful and she was right. I knew labor could stall with fear and tension and I knew, even though I didnt know how, that I needed to relax. I got back in the shower and squatted while holding onto the bar and almost had to yell at myself "Relax, relax, realx" during each contraction. I would thank God during each rest for the rest and said "I know you know I needed that, so thank you". I swayed back an forth while squatting, saying relax, and praying during this next hour just to make it through. I was increasingly feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom and called "Help, Nick, I need to poop" (Embarassing to say now, but at the time, thats what I felt) They had me get out of the shower and back onto the bed. The doctor came and I told her I was scared to see her because if there was no progress I knew I had failed but she said I was at 9cm and no medication was needed. They started preparing for birth, getting themselves ready and the room ready. Nick, Kelsey and Emily all moved to my side and the excitement in the room went up 10 notches.
They had me scoot all the way to the end of the bed and they hooked up the squat bar. They removed the bed from under me so I was literally holding myself up with my feet on some stirrups and my arms holding my upper body up. I had wanted to birth in the squatting position but thought it might be somewhat of a fight at the hospital since most often Dr.'s want their patients on there back so they can see whats going on the best, but my doctor was great and put me in this position no problem. She told me I could start to bear down when I felt I needed to. I had always thought that the pushing part of labor would be great because it gave me something to do, but it was incredibly difficult. The contractions were still very, very intesnse and pushing added a whole new "pain". The doctor was called out to another because another woman was pushing and returned 10 minutes later saying that ladies baby was born. I couldnt believe it!
The doctor had to help me push the last little bit of cervix over the babys head and I pushed and pushed. I could get about 3-4 good pushes each contraction. Everyone was saying how amazing I was, and how good I was doing and I was getting frustrated that she wasnt here yet so I shushed them (haha). I remember the doctor telling me I was one of those patients that would just have the baby and then call the nurse in and no one would even notice (because I was so quiet and concentrated) and I heard Nick laugh a few times at the tv (Fun with Dick and Jane was on haha) I started to feel some intense burning so I knew she was close, and my legs started to shake like crazy. I felt like I was shaking the entire room. I gave a good push (through the burn) and I felt her head come out. I almost felt like I was going to die and I flew back on the bed. All I remember of this moment was nurses rushing towards me and one nurse practically jumping on my stomach and saying "You need to push the shoulders out, your baby needs you right now" I pushed one more time and looked down to see Scarlett for the first time. They placed my new, sweet baby on my bare chest and I couldnt believe she was here and it was over.
We delayed clamping her cord and they let me just hold my new baby as I had requested all new born procedures to be put off until after she had nursed for the first time. The doctor delievered the placenta and I asked to see it so she showed it to me and explained the different parts (very cool) I remember I kept looking at Nick and trying to figure out how he was feeling but he just looked a little stunned to me. The mood in the room was light and wonderful. We all doted on her and laughed about different things that had happened all day (like hitting my head with the squat bar, or the weird relaxation music the hospital provided). The doctor said I had not tore and would need no stitches (how wonderful). I tried nursing her for about an hour before the nurse came back. They weighed her 8lbs 10oz and 19inches long. They gave her the vaccinations and then handed her to her father.
I would never lie to a woman and say this wasnt the most challenging thing I have ever even thought about doing. It was hard, it was a mind game. I doubted myself numerous times and cried in fear. I thought when it was over that I dont know how I just lived through that, but I did. But through it all, I also had moments of incredible strength and felt extremely proud that I accomplished my goal. I felt that I did what was best of my body and my baby and that was a great feeling. My recovery was easy and I was up and walking within an hour or so. I cant believe my body knew how to do that, and I cant believe how many people congratulated me and complimented me on making it through. Many of the nurses knew who I was the following day and even the doctor said that I should be the one teaching the birthing classes.
If you made it through that story, God bless you haha because it was LONG! But thank you for reading my story. I love my child and would go through that again in a heartbeat for her if she ever needed. Labor can be an amazing experience and if there is anything I would want to share with any women considering natural childbirth it is that you can do it. Have trust in your body, faith in yourself, and rely on God and I promise you can do it!
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